Now see the image once again – standing at a distance of 15feet at least – and you will see the image has changed to Marilyn Monroe.

Yes this is the craziest picture!

He gave a peck on the cheek and fell asleep. When he awoke he found a strange man standing at the end of his bed wearing a long flowing white robe. “Who the hell are you?” Demanded Brian, “and what are you doing in my bedroom?”. The mysterious Man answered “This isn’t your bedroom and I’m St Peter”.

Brian was stunned “You mean I’m dead!!! That can’t be, I have so much to live for, I haven’t said goodbye to my family…. you’ve got to send me back straight away”.

St Peter replied “Yes you can be reincarnated but there is a catch. We can only send you back as a dog or a hen.” Brian was devastated, but knowing there was a farm not far from his house, he asked to be sent back as a hen.

A flash of light later he was covered in feathers and clucking around pecking the ground. “This ain’t so bad” he thought until he felt this strange feeling welling up inside him.

The farmyard rooster strolled over and said “So you’re the new hen,how are you enjoying your first day here?”
“It’s not so bad” replies Brian, “but I have this strange feeling inside like I’m about to explode”.
“You’re ovulating” explained the rooster, “don’t tell me you’ve never laid an egg before”.

“Never” replies Brian

“Well just relax and let it happen”

And so he did and after a few uncomfortable seconds later, an egg pops out from under his tail. An immense feeling of relief swept over him and his emotions got the better of him as he experienced motherhood for the first time. When he laid his second egg, the feeling of happiness was overwhelming and he knew that being reincarnated as a hen was the best thing that ever happened to him… ever!!!

The joy kept coming and as he was just about to lay his third egg he felt an enormous smack on the back of his head and heard his wife shouting “Brian, wake up you drunken bas*ard, you’re sh*tting the bed”

2. You turn off your computer and get an awful empty feeling, as if you just pulled the plug on a loved one.

3. You decide to stay in college for an additional year or two, just for the free Internet access.

4. You laugh at people with 28.8 modems.

5. You start using smileys in your snail mail.

6. You find yourself typing “com” after every period when using a word processor.

7. You can’t correspond with your mother because she doesn’t have a computer.

8. When your email box shows “no new messages” and you feel really depressed.

9. You don’t know the gender of your three closest friends because they have nondescript screen name and you never bothered to ask.

10. You move into a new house and you decide to “Netscape” before you landscape.

11. Your family always knows where you are.

12. In real life conversations, you don’t laugh, you just say “LOL, LOL”.

13. After reading this list, you forward it to a friend!

He approached the young man and calmly said to him,
How much do you earn?”

The young man was quite amazed that he was asked such a personal question, he replied, none the less,
“I earn $ 2 000.00 a month, Sir. Why?”

Without answering, the MD took out his wallet and removed $ 6000.00 cash then gave it to the young man and said:
“Around here I pay people for working, not for standing around looking pretty! Here is 3 months ‘salary’, now GET OUT and don’t come back”.

The young man turned around and was quickly out of sight.
Noticing a Few onlookers, the MD said in a very upset manner:
“And that applies for everybody in this company”.

He approached one of the onlookers and asked him,
“Who’s the young man that I just fired?”
To which an amazing reply came of,
“He was the pizza delivery man, Sir…!!!”
He surprises… and walk away!!

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources.

In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activities, such as Poker Night 10.3, Football 5.0, Going To The Pub 7.5, and Softball 3.6

I can’t seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my other favorite applications. I’m thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0 , but the uninstall doesn’t work on Wife 1.0.

Please help!

Thanks,
Troubled User

REPLY:

Dear Troubled User:

This is a very common problem that men often complain about.

Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!!! It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0 . It is impossible to uninstall, or purge, the program files from the system once installed.

You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to not allow this. Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings: Alimony-Child Support . I recommend that you keep Wife 1.0 and work on improving the situation. I suggest installing the background application Yes Dear 2.7 to alleviate your program problems.

The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE! because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway.

Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance! Wife 1.0 does come with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3.0, Cook It 1.5, and Do Bills 4.2

However, be very careful how you use these programs . Improper use will cause the system to launch the program Nag Nag 9.5 Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0

WARNING!!! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3 . This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system!

Best of luck,
Tech Support

“And what is your question, Bob?”

“I have 3 questions.

First, why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN?

Second, why are you President when Al Gore got more votes?

And

Third, what happened to Osama Bin Laden? ”

Just then the bell rings for recess. George Bush informs the kiddies that they will continue after recess. When they resume George says, “OK, where were we? Oh that’s right — question time. Who has a question?”

A different little boy puts up his hand. George points him out and asks him what his name is. “Steve”

“And what is your question, Steve?”

“I have 5 questions.

First, why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN?

Second, why are you President when Al Gore got more votes?

Third, what happened to Osama Bin Laden?

Fourth, why did the recess bell go 20 minutes early?

And

Fifth, where is Bob?”

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